


True love always wins

by D_A_Y



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester is in love with others during a hunt, Forced Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, destiel ending!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:47:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23169763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_A_Y/pseuds/D_A_Y
Summary: Dean Winchester has never believed in bullshit things like love at first sight, destiny, true love and soul mates. But here he is, sitting in the seedy bar in Kitanning, Pennysylvania, nervous as hell like he is a frigging puberty teenager, drinking his fifth shot of tequila. And he still can't take his eyes away from that man standing near the exit for a damn second. God, how could someone be so fucking hot? The way he drinks his cocktail is fucking illegal.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 14





	1. Love at first sight

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline:  
> Amora left without bringing Mary back. No British Men of Letters. Lucifer died.  
> Castiel has his own grace and is able to zapping around.  
> TFW live in the bunker with normal hunting life.
> 
> Native language not English so sorry for the poor writing  
> Never live in America so sorry for any of the geography mistakes ( I don’t know how long it takes to drive from the bunker to Kitanning)

1-

“Morning” Dean wanders into the kitchen and pours himself a cup of coffee. When he woke up this morning, he did try to pull himself together, but a warm and comfortable morning bath made him sleepy again, so he simply put on his bathrobe and went down to get something to eat. Dean yawns and squints at his brother, who is sitting spiritedly with a laptop in front of him.

"Morning." Sam replies without looking up, staring at the screen.

"Any case?" Dean takes a sip of his coffee and swings aside to open the refrigerator door. Sadly, there is nothing heat-and-eat in it, just a plate of spaghetti that he doesn’t even have to take out and smell to know it isn't edible. He doesn’t object to cooking, hell, he is a damn good cook, but the morning of plenty sleep and a nice hot bath really doesn’t give him the motivation to cook. He just wants to idle away some time and enjoy his "daily life". No sister of god, no purgatory, no apocalypse, no heaven or hell civil war.

He wonders if by some miracle Castiel is willing to prepare the breakfast today. That trench coat guy has been a total myth these days, struggling to be more “hunter”. He sometimes just shows up out of nowhere at dinner time with food in his hands, even though they have ordered pizza delivery. He once tried to make some cornmeal and ended up with more oatmeal on his head than in the bowl. It is really incredible for this guy to find a job in a convenience store.

"Good morning, Dean." Castiel's voice suddenly comes from behind him with warm airflow touching the back of his neck, making him close the refrigerator door a little louder.

Castiel officially lives in the bunker after the darkness left. And now he is keen to learning every human habit - like insisting on every greeting.

"Good morning, Sam." Castiel turns to Sam and puts the plastic bag in his hand on the table.

"Good morning, cas. What's in it?" Sam looks away from the screen to meet his gaze and nods with a smile.

"It is..breakfast for Dean. Apple pie from where he said has the best apple pie in America." As he speaks, Castiel takes the cardboard box out of the plastic bag and carefully opens it to reveal the steaming apple pie,"I know you have a habit of running in the morning, and you usually finish your breakfast before,...well, 9 o 'clock. Since you do not like to eat these ‘protein and sugar poisons’ in the morning, and last time you stressed that I should not ‘prepare breakfast like a housewife’, I did not take anything for you. I hope you haven't changed your mind today, but if you need to..."

"Jesus, cas, you are definitely the best roommate of the year." Dean sets his coffee cup on the table, pulling back his stool and sitting down eagerly. He hungrily pulls the apple pie in front of him and begins to wolfing down his breakfast.

"No, cas, you really shouldn't. You're definitely spoiling dean. Look at him! Going halfway across the country to buy some apple pie is not what roommates or friends are supposed to do.” Sam sighs with helplessness.

"I actually flew straight, so the distance doesn’t matt --"

"Shut up, Sammy, and don't mess with my personal angel delivery." With his mouth full of apple pie, Dean mumbles, "Whacha looking at? Case?"

"Yeah, here, take a look." Sam shakes his head, giving up arguing with his brother about cas, which they had discussed enough times. He turns the computer to face Dean and Castiel before he says:

"Kitanning, Pennysylvania, four suicides in two months, all without any motivation. This report is about the latest victim who died last night. The poor guy was found to have shot himself in the head. Strangely, he told his friends in the morning that he was looking forward to the next day's party."

"Well, that sounds like our job."Dean squints at the news report and drains the coffee to help push the pie down his esophagus. _Death in a riddle, curse after curse._ Even the title is pretty damn supernatural.

-

The three of them has a little row over in the Impala AGAIN. Again, every goddamn time, as the three of them crowd around the black vehicle, there is an argument about who is gonna ride the shotgun.

To tell the truth, Dean has completely zero idea why the two are fighting, but it seems so funny that he lets it go. Come on, in which universe will a brother refuse to see his baby brother and his baby trench coat friend start a debate for a seat? Dean is definitely willing to pay for this.

Castiel argues that since he has learned to drive, and is helping with the hunt, he deserves to ride in the front row. Although he sat there before, he had to take a back seat most of the time when Sam was around.

Sam, on the other hand, just thinks the whole arguing-for-shotgun thing is ridiculous, so ridiculous that he himself can't understand why he insists on Castiel giving a reason on bullshit things like” Why don't you just zip there?”, “Is the front row some honor to you?”. Perhaps this is his way to enjoy his “normal life”, fooling around with friends and his brother on tiny little things, not worrying about some fallen angel in his head singing hallelujah with a horn.

Unfortunately for Castiel, his social ability often fails to defend him in front of a pre-law guy. However, he doesn’t always ends up in the back row. Today, for example, Dean just ate the best apple pie in America delivered by an angel. He can still recall the soft, sweet taste of apple after licking his lips, which tipping on the scales a little bit. He steps forward, pulling open his baby's front door, and declares Castiel the winner of this wonderful competition today.

Sam doesn’t really have a problem with where to sit, so he just bents his head over the case, reading out things needed attention. Cas looks out the window with a slightly tilted mouth, squinting the bright blue sky slightly and lets the wind hit his face.

"So all the victims killed themselves in a seemingly reasonable way. The first one is exactly two months ago."Sam stares at the computer screen. "Judy, 24, applying to college while working as a waitress in a local restaurant. She overdosed after work on Saturday. She had been clean for several years and had relapsed for some reason. Don’t know why. Her social media accounts seems fine, then she suddenly chose to drown herself in heroin. Because she was an addict, the police assumed it was an accident and didn't leave much of a record. There can’t be so much drug in her place, so we might be able to find out who's selling those things."

"Uh huh. What else?" Dean looks at Sam in the rearview mirror.

"Well, the second one was a week later. Max, 36, had adopted 10-year-old twins with his husband a years ago and had a steady job as an engineer. He didn't pick up his kids after work, and the next day he was found in a motel in a bathtub overflowing with his own blood, wrists cut."

“Oh," Sam gasped, "He took off his wedding ring and put it on the sink, leaving a note saying I'm sorry."

"Wow, so he couldn't stand his guilt after cheating? It's either a magical coincidence or we're dealing with something that knows damn well how to cause death."

"Wait, check this. The third death. Vicky, 32. She took some sort of illegal abortion pills and bled to death. Her husband said they had been trying for years for pup and couldn't figure out why she suddenly gave up. And the police said, well, pregnancy depression?”

"Make sense to me, so must make sense to the public. How's our headshot?" Dean says in a relaxed voice, but frowns. “What did he shoot himself in the head for?”

"I dunno. The man's name is Jack, 27. The police thought he was depressed because they found, uh, a lot of sleeping pills in his places, all without prescription. But his friends insisted that he was never suicidal and did not look depressed. He said he did not even know about the sleeping pills. Oh, and according to his parents, Jack couldn't take down any pills, he always just threw them up. That's why this case is finally weird enough to make the headline."

"Any chance these four know each other?"Dean asked.

"As far I know, their social circles didn't overlap at all."

"Okay, so what are we dealing with? Witch? Cursed objects? Trickster? Revengeful spirits?”

“Dunno, dude, I have no idea what it is.”

-

“Why is the place Kitanning so familiar? I've definitely heard it somewhere." Dean suddenly frowns, trying to dig into the awkward familiarity in his memory, “ Or been there with a case?”

"You dealt with cases there twice. One was with John, with a poltergeist. One was with Sam, dealing with a demon who got on the plane in year 2005." Castiel's voice comes from beside him. He continues to stare out of the window. Had it not been for the sound, it would have been impossible to tell from his almost blank face that he had spoken.

"Fuck! Right! I took a fucking plane in that fucking place." Dean shouts, a little resentful, "Wait, cas, how did you know that?"

"Metatron uploaded all the books he had read in my mind, including the books about you. Supernatural."

"Good, so we can never get rid of that thing. Not even after we burn every last pieces of them and delete every electronic version on the Internet! " His previous divorce immediately pops up in Sam’s mind, making his voice a bit irritated, “ Why did Chuck even write about it in the first place!”

-

-

They decided to split up in their usual routine. Dean and Castiel go to contact the police, and Sam goes to talk to the victim's family. In fact, Castiel's technique at impersonating an FBI has improved dramatically, and he looks completely like a cranky, overly serious agent, though still not suitable to comfort the crying relatives.

Watching Castiel calmly takes out his fake ID, Dean can't help but recall the first time they boarded.

He has to admit that he misses that Castiel a bit. Hell, that little kindergarten angel even hold his ID upside down, stressing nervously that "This is not a fake one."

Look at him right now! Holding his ID with a monotonous “This is agent beyoncé.” Shit, he really should give him a new name. When Castiel kind of proudly showed off this fake ID, he and Sam can do nothing but laugh wildly, it is even more funny than Sammy's bikini investigators. The fake ID Dean once made for Castiel had at some point fallen into an unknown corner -- or been destroyed by god knows who (or what?). At least he remembers how Dean cut out the photos and stuck them carefully on the card.

Dean looks at his friend and suddenly feels the tie around his neck is a little too tight. He swallows hard, wondering what made cas so skilled. His tone didn’t change as he lied, his baby blue eyes showed no expression of guilt. (though he already knows that angels are actually fan-frigging-tastic liars) He even knows to scan around the room causally instead of trying to burn a hole in the sheriff's face with his eyes. Where did he learn all this? With Crowley? That goddamn new god plan? Human life outside the bunker? Brainwashed by Naomi? ...Or is it because of him(well, Sam at the same time)?

"My partner and I were just sent out on a mission. The choice of mission is not ours." Well, this is definitely something he learned from Dean. Although it sounds more like he's criticizing the sheriff for his meddling. Dean is more inclined to close the relationship by complaining about the hard work and the pressure from superiors.

He glances at the sheriff, who is a thin man with a fair amount of gray hair, a litter shorter than him. At Castiel's words he drops his mouth into a line, and the arrogance in his eyes suggests that he has been in a high position for too long.

"Sorry, my partner's been a little...rough these days." Dean winks at the frowning sheriff with a practiced smile on his face, and pats Castiel on the shoulder. The sheriff nods, but his face is clearly not happy. He points to the left aisle and beckons to another guy and says in an annoyed voice: "Show these two gentlemen the way to the files of the suicides.” Castiel nods stiffly back at the sheriff before turning to follow the new cop.

Dean doesn’t follow immediately. He taps the sheriff's shoulder, leans over and whispers, "His wife ran off with someone else, so...You know." Dean gives himself a thumb in his head as the sheriff's brow unfurl and casts a sympathetic look at Castiel.

"Here are the files. These are things from them." The policeman put four folders on the table and took out a box with four smaller boxes in it. "Please don't mix the evidence bags together after you've finished. Take your time, agents." Then he left the room. The sheriff came and closed the door behind them before looking in Castiel's direction again,smiling softly and more friendly. Castiel tilts his head in some confusion.

"So, what do you think it is?" Dean pulls back a chair and sits down. He takes the folder with Judy on it and opens it.

"I don't know, Dean. Their deaths seem...not very supernatural." Castiel takes Judy's evidence box out of the box. "Why is that sheriff smiling at me? What did you say to him, Dean?"

"Well, I told him your bad attitude was because your wife ran away with someone." Dean says as he reads the file. This Judy chick seems to be a typical example of going astray and returning good. She was drug addicted at 17, went to rehab at 19, spent six months. Then she was out and volunteered in the community, and applied to college.

"He thinks I have a bad attitude? Why?" Castiel looks at Dean, puzzled.

"Well, the way you said you were sent up from above is like warning him to mind his own business." Dean flips to the photos of the scene. Judy was holding the needle in her hand, leaning on the single sofa with her eyes closed, and the corners of her mouth were foaming white. She had tears on her face and was wearing a pink dress, which is not a domestic type.

"Oh." Castiel pauses. "The intonation of human speech is really hard to learn. Does she have a tattoo? This is a transfer paper of tattoo, the same as what I used to tattoo."

Dean looks up and glances at the crumpled paper in evidence bag. It's in cursive English,saying _Alex & Judy Forever_. He looks down and scans the photos of the body. He doesn’t see the tattoo. So if the Alex guy is the reason for her overdose, then all four cases seem to have been about relationship problems.

Dean feels guilty when he hears the words "the same as what I used to tattoo". Although he really had no choice but to desperately force Castiel out of the bunker at that time, if they had a good talk, they might have found out the true identity of Gadreel and reveal Metatron's plan earlier, Maybe Kevin wouldn't have to die...

He sighs inwardly and takes out his cell phone, taking a picture of the cursive letter before he opens the second file. Max enjoyed a happy family life. He and his husband had been married for nearly five years, and the adoption agency gave their family a high rating.

"Let me see the ring." Dean looks at the photo of the motel. Max, husband of the year, was soaking in the tub, all opaque red. He looks at the picture of the body. Two vertical incisions on each arm, and it seems that the man was determined to drown in his own blood. The first person to find the body was the waiter who came to bring Max breakfast. When Max checked in the night before, he left a $30 extra tip for a morning meal. Why did he kill himself and want to be found dead at the same time? Any threat towards his family?

Castiel hands Dean the plain silver ring. "I think it's just a regular ring," Castiel says. Dean glances at Castiel before he nods in agreement.

He looks down at the other pictures and inhales a sudden gasp at the sight of several hickeys and scratch marks on the body's back.

OK, never looked, never saw.

The last thing he wants to know is the details of gay sex. He flips through the other pages and glances at the confession of Max’s husband. He insisted that his husband was very close to him, that he would never cheat, that he trusted his husband, and that there was nothing unusual.

The next confession is from the primary school teacher of the twins they adopted. She said that Max came late these days and did not come to pick up the twins the last day. But she said this had happened before, after all, Max was an engineer, sudden overtime was a normal thing. Huh, did he use that time to cheat?

His cell phone rings, interrupting his thinking.

"Sammy?” Dean picks up the phone and frowns. His brother is supposed to be with the poor man being betrayed by his husband.

"Dean, do you have any picture of the body on the back?" Sam speaks very fast and sounds quite nervous.

"Yes, send you now." Dean turns on the speakerphone, then flips back to the picture of the back with the hickey. He hears a child screaming from Sam's side, "What's up?"

"Hold on, I'll tell you later." Sam's voice goes down, looking at the photos from the phone. "Uh, Mr. Thame? I think your boy is telling the truth? ”

"I, uh, I need some time. I'm sorry, agent."Then comes a shaking male voice.

"Oh, okay, uh, I'm sorry. I'll stay in your, uh, I'll, I’ll leave now. You can call me later."Sam's voice is so awkward that his embarrassment almost sends Dean goose bumps.

After a few seconds, the noise of door opening and closing comes. Sam is supposed to be outside.

"Ok, Dean, Max did cheat."Sam clears his throat. "The twins said that when Max came to pick them up the other day, a strange man got out of the car with him and kissing him. I suppose Max didn’t notice his sons were watching. Well, the twins said that they saw scratches on the back of daddy's neck and shoulder- they really know a lot as ten-year-old kids."

"Huh, cheating." Dean glances at the silver ring again.

"Yeah,and uh, Mr.Thame said, uh, said that it was impossible to leave such marks on Max's back in their lovemaking position.”

"Jesus!! Sammy, too much information!!" Dean almost screams to the phone.

"Hey! Dude! I can't be the only one who has to hear this!" Sam shoots back with a little amusement in his voice. "Anyway, he said they had just gone swimming together, so these hickeys were supposed to have appeared within three days of his death."

"You are damn lucky you are my brother so I can’t kill you.” Dean hisses. “So it looks like we're up against a philanderer swings both sides." Dean sighs and tells Sam about Judy, the first victim.

When it comes to the third victim, Vecky, the only doubt is how she got the abortion pills. She must have taken an entire bottle to cause such severe bleeding.Her doctor insisted that she did not find Vicky prone to depression, her confession says -"she loved her hard-won baby so much, I can't believe why she did it. We didn't prescribe them to her. I don't know why, I mean, if she really didn't want this baby and didn’t want to tell us, she still wouldn’t need to take so much. Those pills are illegal but not fatal in adequate amount." Looks like Vicky also wants a determined suicide. Vicky’s husband said that his wife was really distraught in those days and he accepted the explanation of depression. The body was cremated.

The body of the fourth victim, Jack, has not yet been cremated. His parents are staying with their son now and insist on an autopsy, unwilling to accept their child's suicide. Sheriff allows Dean and Castiel to see the body tomorrow. Dean hopes they can find out what the creature is.

Sam visits Jack’s friend. He said that Jack was really looking forward to the next day's party in the morning -- bringing his secret love. He said Jack met his Ms. Right at a bar called _Dr. Feeling_ and kept telling them how perfect she was and how the person made him complete, so he couldn’t understand why he suddenly ended his life in such a violent way.

"What do you think? Siren?”Dean takes a gulp of coke and swallows his cheeseburger. “Max cheated on a man, but Jack met a woman, so it became their ideal.”

"That sounds like it. But why do sirens want these people to commit suicide? I mean, it needs these people for food. And shouldn't they generally want to hurt other human or something like that?" Sam pokes his fork at the avocado salad in front of him and rubs his temples.

"Who knows what this son of a bitch is thinking?" Dean is clearly reminded of his previous unpleasant experience when he and Sam got into a fight for a chance to stay with the goddamn siren for-fucking-ever. What did that thing say? Let me be your brother.

Jesus fucking Christ, stop your damn brain Dean Winchester, you are gonna throw up.

"Some sirens like to kill the target after one taste, making the power pure." Castiel suddenly speaks. He sits at the round table with his hands on his knees, Dean on his left and Sam on his right. There is nothing in front of him - after regaining his grace, he stops eating “molecules”.

"Before Dean found me in purgatory, I saw a siren kill a werewolf after their intercourse." Castiel glances at Dean and adds, "I wasn't fully sane at the time, so I went over and asked her why. She didn't attack me and then told me she was an Irish branch."

“Fuck, cas, you're so damn lucky."Dean sighs. He knows the life in purgatory all too well. The thought of Castiel, that crazy one, who once showed up in his car, naked and bee-covered, in a place like that still frightens him. He wouldn't leave purgatory until he found Cas, and he couldn't imagine what would happen if he found Cas dead. It would be HIS DAMN FAULT again. Maybe Benny's journey home will be delayed. He will kill every Leviathan, every supernatural creature, and he will even hack Eve apart and empty the entire fucking purgatory.

"So we're dealing with an Irish siren?" Sam looks at the changing expression on Dean's face and Castiel, who is staring down at his hands on his knees, trying to change the mood.

-

After dinner, Dean decides to go to _Dr. Feeling_. Sam and Castiel return to the motel. Sam begins to sort out some of the victims' spheres of activity to see if he can narrow down the possible location of the siren. Sam thinks again before saying, but once again he warns his brother that he has to go back to the motel and sleeps here tonight, instead of the bedroom of some one-night stand.

And here he is, in _Dr.Feeling_ , feeling fucking **fall in love**.

Dean Winchester has never believed in bullshit things like love at first sight, destiny, true love and soul mates. But here he is, sitting in the seedy bar in Kitanning, Pennysylvania, nervous as hell like he is a frigging puberty teenager, drinking his fifth shot of tequila. And he still can't take his eyes away from that man standing near the exit for a damn second.

God, how could someone be so fucking hot? The way he drinks his cocktail is fucking illegal. Fuck, where is this guy in his previous years of life? Should I go talk to him? Is he gay? God, he is fucking look at me! What should I do? Shit he is smiling OMG I am gonna get his number.

-

Dean licks his lips and leaves the alley, humming whatever **love** rhyme. He feels like dancing, like flying, like soaring. He wants a waltz of love in the street with the butterflies in his stomach. That man, Shawn, reached up to give him a quick kiss before he left, leaving his number in his pocket.

Dean never considered himself gay, but now he thinks it is because Shawn wasn’t in his life.

 **He feels that he is walking on the high clouds, swimming under the deep sea, lying on the soft grass.** He feels that every step under his feet now is full and complete.

He feels that he walked toward Shawn in the bar the same way he walked toward Amora, but milder and more determined, continued and gentle breeze instead of fierce and hurting tornado. **He feels that he had crossed everything, pain and happiness, heaven and hell, war and smoke, just to reach out to the man, approaching him, holding him, loving him.**

He feels like a ascending balloon being held by a rope before burst. He feels like a drowning man holding on to a life buoy. He feels like struggling in the void for eternity and finally grasping something that actually exists.

OK, this is really weird. But he knows what it is like to be controlled by a siren. When he was affected by the saliva, he felt like **drowning in a swamp, having no sense of self, knowing nothing but obeying orders**. It is different. Now he feels **enlightened** , now he feels like he is finally **seeing the world for the first time**.

He resents the fact that he raised doubts about Shawn. He had never seen him before, nor had he drunk anything from him. How can Shawn be a siren? And if he were a siren (which is never possible), it would have been a hot chick instead of **a short, black-haired and blue-eyed man.**

The corners of his mouth rises involuntarily. His heart is feathery and his stomach is full of butterflies. His joy and excitement is like the dust flying in the wind, sweeping over his entire body.

He feels like a stack of strawberry pancake towers. He returns to the motel with a foolish look of satisfaction on his face. His legs feel like toasted marshmallows dipped in chocolate. He opens the door. His heart feels like soft apple pie with coke. His dear brother is sitting on the bed, watching the computer. His lovely angel friend was watching the silent TV.

"Welcome back, Dean. Did you find anything? It turns out that all the victims had been to _Dr.Feeling_." Oh, this is the sweet voice of his sweet baby brother.

“Hey? Dean?You with me? Did you find anything strange?”

Shit.

The vision of Shawn coming close to touch his lips pops up in his head, but he immediately dismisses the possibility again. Dean Winchester, yellow card. He feels his lips burn from the previous kiss, not noticing the long silence has alerted Sam. Even Castiel is now looking away from the TV and staring at him suspiciously.

"God, dean, don't tell me you meet your Ms.Right there..." Sam thinks his stomach is sinking. Why can’t his brother take a break? Isn't that amazon girl enough for him? Now what? Another siren? Once again?

"Wow, easy tiger! All right. I did meet someone, and we kind of, uh, change numbers?" Dean reaches over and touches his lips, remembering the cursory kiss, the corners of his mouth curling up a bit.

"Damn it, Dean! You should look at your face now! You're like some high school girl seeing Justin Biber!" Sam screws up his face and gets up from bed angrily.

"What, can't your brother try to have a relationship? And it is not like **he** has-"

Oops.

"What? **He**? Jesus! You met a guy? And what? Now you are telling me it is not a siren? "Sam scratches his hair irritably. "Have you forgotten what you were like last time? What did you see? A goddamn obedient brother? Huh?"

"No!" Dean scowls. He again replays his falling-in-love process in his mind. He fell in love as if he had been hit in the heart by an arrow. "I never touched him before I saw him, not once. This is the first time I saw him, so it couldn't have been the sirens saliva that affected me."

"So you mean you've been straight for your **entire life** , and then you **suddenly** saw this guy and all of a sudden you're into dicks?" Sam shouts, thinking his brother is being unreasonable.

“Hey! Maybe I am bi?”Dean’s voice lowers a little.

“What? You gotta be fucking kidding me? Are you joking?” Sam is acutely aware that something is wrong.

“Do I look I am joking? You are not some homophobia guy, Sammy.” Dean frowns.

“No I am not! But you are not the kind of guy that is willing to run a marathon draping in a rainbow flag!” Sam inhales sharply. It suddenly dawns on him that Dean is acting the exact same way he was drugged to **love** Becky.

"Dean, how do you know you're **in love with** him?"Castiel, who has been silent all the time, suddenly speaks.

"I'm a human being. I have **feelings**. I know what **love** is."Dean sounds impatient. Now what? Is he breaking the bible now? Don't sodomy? Fuck Chuck For whatever he says.

"I mean what kind of relationship are you willing to develop with that person? What do you want to do with **it**?" Castiel tilts his head, frowning.

"Whatever I want and whatever **he** wants! It is my fucking freedom! And that's him, Shawn, not IT! You both should treat him with some respect.” He stares at his brother and his friend. “Not like whenever I'm fucking in love with someone, and you all start to think they're fucking supernatural!" Dean actually starts shouting, feeling offended.

"Well, man, no offense, but don't you think that's a little weird?"Sam sighs, the whole love-with-supernatural is actually mentioned by Dean to make fun of him at the very first time. "Remember when Becky drugged me? I thought it was love,too."

"Fuck! I told you we've never fucking met before! Is he crazy or something? Making a deal with the devil to fucking love at first sight with me? That's it. End of the conversation. If you keep talking like that, I'm going to punch you in the face. And, thank you, I'm not ready to go to Vegas and marry him right now."

Dean opens the refrigerator to take some beer.

“Dean, do you want to have intimate relationship, like intercourse, with - Shawn?” Castiel looks straight at Dean. “I assume there probably isn't a part of him that appeals to you **sexually**.”

“Jesus fucking Christ! Cas! Just because you love someone doesn't mean you want to fuck them!” Dean drains the bottle quickly as if damping his anger. “And I kissed him! It feels so damn awesome! So, YES, he has the fucking sexual attraction to me! Can't you just leave him alone for a while? There's nothing wrong with him. Don't be so suspicious of him! ”

“But-” Castiel wants to say something, but Sam stops him. The latter shakes his head silently, indicating that there is no way to reason with this Dean in love now.

-

-

Sam is woken up the next morning by Castiel. The angel looks nervous, frowning, and his blue eyes are full of worry.

“What happens? Where is Dean?" Sam is nervous immediately, following Castiel's gesture to Dean, who is in the bathroom, fixing his hair in front of a mirror.

Fuck, he must be dreaming. Sam looks at his phone. It's 5 fucking a.m. and his brother's in the fucking bathroom fixing his hair. If this were any other day, he will video this precious moment.

Instead, he gets up and shouts to his brother. "Dude, what are you doing?"

"I'm going out with Shawn today." Dean meets Sam’s eyes in the mirror before squinting close to the mirror.

"What? You know we are going to see the body today? ”Sam is completely out of it.

"Well, go ahead, you two." Dean puts some more water in his hair and smiles in satisfactory. He turns to look at the two men who are staring at him in horror and shrugs.

"I know, okay? I was too excited last night. I am not that unreasonable. It is just, I can't just... You know, just settle down or something. I'll definitely be leaving as soon as this case is over. And he wouldn't be safe with me here, you know, like Lisa and Ben-"

Dean sighs, and Sam's eyes widens in surprise. Dean previously said that if anyone mentioned thees two name again, he would break their noses. As a matter of fact, after that, Sam felt that his brother had really given up the slightest bit of his desire for **family and long-term relationships.**

He has a bad feeling now. What he senses from the present Dean gives him an awkward familiarity. The look on his brother’s face is exactly what he made every time he foolishly sacrificed himself for the ones he concerned. Making a deal, allowing Michael, summoning the Death, eliminating the memory, taking the First Blade, going to Amora--

So many times, so many countless times.

He hears Dean continues, "So this time, this is the time I can at least spend with him."

-

-

Sam and Castiel didn't discuss Dean's strange behavior in the morning, mainly because Sam didn't know how to speak, and Castiel was waiting for Sam to speak first. This morning ended pretty awful. Dean even took his gun out to leave the motel room without them.

So they are now examining Jack's body in the eerie silence of the morgue, while Dean is hanging our with that Shawn guy. All they can do now is to hope that Siren won’t kill him so fast, considering its history, they don’t need to worry that much right now.

"Sam, here."Castiel suddenly breaks the silence. His brow has not opened since the morning.

“What's the matter?”Sam turns and gasps."Shit! What are you doing?" Sam watches in horror as Castiel pulls out his angel blade, cuts open Jack's chest, and reaches in to pull out the man's **heart**.

"Look here." Castiel’s voice is deadly serious, and he turns the object in his hand a little so that Sam can see it better.

"Fuck......" Sam gasps, the blood in his veins freezes.

The heart on Castiel's hand is still dripping blood.

There is a dark purple mark of love on it.

It is a **Cupid**.


	2. Cupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the misuse of Enochian in the whole fanfic.  
> I just kinda pretend the Enochian word is the same as Hebrew word. So the words represents "Heaven" and "And" and "Earth" in Enochian are the same like the ones in Hebrew Bible ( Learned in college and I am so so so sorry if I make any mistake in this part). And in this fanfic the "heaven"&"earth" is a matching sigil kinda like Ying&Yang.  
> While the word "And" is a sigil that can combine these two, only powered by the grace of Cupid.  
> More setting of these three sigils will be revealed in the fanfic by Castiel. ( All questions are welcomed.)  
> I haven’t decided the name of the Cupid, so welcome all!  
> Other setting will just be spoilers so sorry for not giving more.

They are dealing with a Cupid.

A CUPID.

Sam feels dizzy. He stares at the bleeding heart, choking on the smell of blood in the cold air. So now his brother was shot by Cupid's arrow of love? Angel case? How do they get involved with these things again?

After Amora's departure, both heaven and hell are locked up. Angels still have trouble dealing with the leaving of their father, while the demons are now being disciplined by Crowley. What they need to deal with is nothing more than, oddly enough, ordinary supernatural creatures, revengeful spirits, werewolves, vampires, shapshifters, ghouls, witches, etc. Hunting with an angel as a helper is like a fish swimming in water. Their biggest headache lately has been a group of crazy skinwalkers who have infiltrated almost the entire town. Dean had two broken ribs, but Castiel, who is still somewhat unsatisfied with the fact that injuries can’t be avoided during the hunt, healed him in a flash of light healed.

They haven't faced these unconventional supernatural creatures for a while. What's above is locked up high, what's under is trapped deep down. The sandwiched human world only need to deal with their own craps.

The sudden appearance of this Cupid made him confused and totally unprepared. They once met one Cupid on Valentine's day, a chubby naked man who gave him and Dean and Castiel each a solid hug, then cried out in praise of love, which was super annoying but ultimately harmless.

"Cas." Sam opens his mouth. No sound comes out of his throat but a husky call of Castiel's name. He looks like a stranded fish with his mouth open in a comical way, struggling to make out some words.

He didn't know what to say when he first caught sight of Dean's contented smile on his face yesterday, feeling a hammer smashing on his brain.

How long has it been since he looked like that? Satisfied and happy? Sam was horrified to find that he could not remember, or would not admit that the latest one he could remember was his fourteenth birthday at Bobby's. Lisa maybe? But he didn't have a soul at that time, paying no attention to his brother's love life.

Sam thought about the times when he himself was like that. Except for Becky, both Amelia and Jessica gave him such security and satisfaction, even the day he entered Stanford was enough to provide him a happy smile. However, Dean never really had an escape of all these **doomed Winchester life** since the night he saw his own mother pinned on the floor, bleeding in the angry fire. Sam felt guilty. "You feel so guilty that you didn’t look for him," He remembered Lucifer’s words, but before the hurting words dissolved in his mind, he was interrupted by Castiel's quiet voice.

"I think Dean and Shawn were bounded by a Cupid." Castiel looks away from the heart and at Sam, who is still a little pale. His blue eyes are cold.

"What can we do?" Sam swallows, wondering whether he should feel relaxed or be more nervous. At least not some crazy killer sirens?

"We need to find the Cupid that connects them." Castiel's brow doesn’t open and Sam considers it as a bad sign. Castiel turns to stare at the blood-dripping object in his hand. Then he tilts his head and puts his other hand on the heart symbol. The edge of the heart glows brightly in white, then dims after a few seconds.

Squinting his eyes, Castiel sees a small string of Enochian symbols in the middle of the deep purple heart. Sam stares nervously at the string of symbols, which seemed eerily familiar, though he has no idea what it meant. He is sure he never met any of these Enochian in his hunting trip.

Sam expresses his doubts to Castiel before he finds the angel's face darkening, reminding him of the New-god version Cas, which was powerful and demanding. He swears he heard the angel gnashing his teeth.

"Dean is in big trouble." Castiel's voice is a little shrill. His grace uncontrollably comes out and burns the heart, which steaming in white smoke overwhelmingly. It is burned to black ashes, dropping from Castiel's hands to the ground. He glances down blankly at the floor and at Jack, who is still being ripped open, then touched Jack's forehead with two fingers, healing the surface damage.

"Let's go. We need to find Dean first. " He lays his hand on Sam's shoulder.

The next second they are on an unknown street corner, standing between the midday sun and the shadows of the block. Sam feels the hand on his shoulder suddenly increases in strength, pinching pain. He thinks of the dusted heart, frowns and takes a glimpse of Cas' expression, deciding it not the right time to interrupt him.

Then he hears a group of movers laughing and turns to see them smoking and relaxing right beside them. His pupils dilates and he stiffens. He has absolutely no idea how to explain their popping out of nowhere.

"No one can see us now." Castiel says, "as long as my hand is still on you, though your voice cannot be erased. Please don't speak." Sam nods both in relief and understanding. Castiel is still reasonable and those men don’t notice them.

"Dean and Shawn are in the cafe shop with their backs to us by the window." Sam follows Castiel's direction, squinting across the street at the back of the window.

He literally bites his own tongue to swallow the exclamation he almost blurts out. His big brother, Dean Winchester, the Dean Winchester who once broke the nose of a man for accosting and flirting with him annoyingly, is now with sitting with a man, left arm stretching over the man’s shoulder. The man resting his face at the base of Dean’s neck must be the mysterious Shawn. Sam is suddenly grateful that Castiel kept them at least a street away, because he isn’t sure whether he can stand to face his brother in this romantic relationship without hindrance. He really isn't any kind of homophobic, it is just so weird. That is Dean Winchester, who argued with Charlie over two hours that he would never hit on males. Sam nods to Castiel to show he sees them.

"I need to keep an eye on both of them to prevent any accidents. But I am worried that Dean or the Cupid will find out, so I have to block us out. I am sorry for the inconvenience." Castiel's tone is apologetic, but his eyes remains fixed on the two men. Accidents? What accident? Making out in public? Sam frowns.

"That symbol on the heart means ‘ **earth** ’ in Enochian, which your species translated correctly into ‘ **Earth** ’ in _Genesis_. You might have seen it in the _Hebrew bible_ before so you sense the familiarity. It is part of a combined spell. Our father created Heaven and Earth, and the Enochian words of ‘ **Heaven** ’ and ‘ **Earth** ’ are matched together like Yin and Yang. The spell is powered by the grace of a Cupid through another sigil means ‘ **And** ’. The last time this spell was used was... on your parents. It's the third strongest bound spell in heaven, only weaker than the one between Darkness and Dean, and--" Castiel pauses, stiffening a little. His voice squeezes in his throat, only letting out a little gasp before he stops.

 _Castiel is hiding something._ Sam makes a mental note. He's a bit upset and nervous about this since the last time this angel tried to hide something, Lucifer nearly blew up his soul -- for the goddamn Hands of God.

"Do you remember the Cupid we met before? He said it took heaven a great effort to bring your parents together, in the end they had no choice but to use this spell. Generally speaking, few cupids use this spell because it is too powerful. If one end dies, the other die with it. That's how Jack died, his bounded one must died too, though the body hasn’t been found yet. Your father John survived because of the angelic blood in his body, but it still took the healing power of several angels to keep him alive after Mary died." Castiel feels Sam's stiffness and let his hands loose a little, no leaving his shoulder though. Sam folds his arms around his chest in a more comfortable posture.

"Dean has a higher concentration of angelic blood in his body than John, so I don't think he would have died right away if something had happened to Shawn in this situation, but I don't know if I could cure him completely with my power." Castiel suddenly stops talking, grabbing Sam's shoulder harder.

There must be a bruise, Sam sighs in his heart. He sees Dean moving, turning his head, pressing his lips on the top of Shawn's head, sliding one hand over his shoulders and resting on the crook of his neck, the other hand combing up into his hair. God, that is Dean. Isn't Cupid a little bit too strong?

"What I don't understand is that I can't sense any grace of Cupid around here. I've tried it five times. Cupid's angel grade is lower than mine. If there were Cupid in this town, I'd sense it." Castiel's voice is almost as impersonal as the robot's, but Sam manages to catch the suppressed anger.

“I don't know why it chose to use this spell here, or why it chose to use any of the sigil on Dean. I am sure **Dean Winchester will never be a target for any Cupid**." The last sentence is almost forced from his throat, each word accented.

Sam swallows before glancing carefully down at his angel friend, frowning to see him wearing a smiting face. Castiel looks like trying to pierce the glass across the street with his sight and to burn through Shawn, who is now wrapping his arms around Dean's neck. _Why is he so possessive?_

"I didn't know any Cupid had fallen. I'm pretty sure there was no Cupid on the list of wanted angels before the blockade of heaven. Moreover, Cupids seldom fall because their grace is the most emotion-proof of all angels. Other angels including me, we fight, we train, and we pay little attention to what is happening on your side except for missions. But Cupids, their mission is to bound human with love so they need to look at your kind all the time. They are the closest to **love** , which is a human emotion, ‘the most beautiful emotion’ in your acknowledgement actually. So they have to become indifferent, and love for them is more like a material than an emotion." The workers on the corner leave, and Castiel lets go of his hand on Sam's shoulder.

"I don't think any Cupid is around, and Dean, Dean is not in the alert condition to find us."

"Ok,so-" Sam sighs. This is much worse than he expected. "Dean is now bound to a stranger, foolishly in love kind of bound, and if one of them has an accident and the other is going to die together. And we can’t find the Cupid."

"Yes." Castiel nods slightly. "I don't know why he went out of his way to bound these two people together. This is weird and **inappropriate**."

"Inappropriate how?"

"Dean shouldn’t be the target of any Cupid **after he was raised from Hell** as the vessel of Michael." _After_? Why _after_? Strange Their vessel plan is much more earlier than Dean’s raising from Hell. They are born to be vessels after all. Castiel's fists are clenched unconsciously before he finished his words and lets go.

"We should tell Dean. Well, when you say bound, you mean their relationship is mutual?" Sam pulls out his phone and dials Dean's number.

"That's right."

"Hiya, Sammy? Find anything?" Dean's voice is breezy, and Sam can see his brother's free hand is now running through Shawn's hair.

"Hey, Dude, Cas and I have been to the morgue, and we're not dealing with a Siren." Sam forces himself to keep looking at his brother instead of averting from the weird feeling. 

"Yeah?" 

"It is a Cupid. We are dealing with a fallen Cupid. And we think you're bounded to, uh, Shawn by it."

"......" There is an uncomfortably long silence. Sam’s heart aches, feeling like pricking needles to a balloon filled with happiness. He once again pulled his brother out of some peaceful candy-color illusion, forcing him to face the bitter and harsh reality.

"Fallen Cupid? Awesome. What does it want? Group sex and striptease parties?" He can’t even hide his quiver under the pretended relief in the tone .

"I don't know, dude, Cas can't sense Cupid's grace around."

"So what now? How to... un, unbound this?" 

"Need the MIA Cupid. Listen, Dean, the spell between you is so powerful that you two either live or die together. We found the same spell on Jack's heart." Sam speaks quickly, hoping to make this suffering shorter. His brother suddenly stands up in the cafe, his hand still around Shawn's waist. 

"Cas and I are right behind you, a street away. Take Shawn and head back to the motel first. Where is your car? " 

"Baby is back at the corner." 

-

"Told you Shawn isn't a siren." 

Dean and Shawn sit in the back seat. Dean no longer wraps around his waist, but their knees still unconsciously lean together. Sam is driving and Castiel sits next to him. 

"Really? This is your first word?" Sam is a little taken aback and hits the accelerator harder than necessary. The impala makes a screeching sound on the tires.

"Hey, be good to my baby! “ Dean immediately shouts. Surprisingly, he silently threw the key to Sam and sat with Shawn when they met at the corner. Sam didn’t ask why. 

"Well, need a little catch up here?" The man, Shawn, opens his mouth. He looks inquiringly at Sam and Castiel, then at Dean. "What happens? I am not a what, a siren?"

"Uh. It's complicated." Dean sighs, wondering what to say. 

"You and Dean are bound together by a Cupid, which is powerful enough that if one of you dies the other will die together." Castiel suddenly blurts out, staring in the rearview mirror at the wide-eyed Shawn.

"By what? Cupid? Is this some kind of trick thing?" Shawn shakes his head and looks back at Dean. "Are your friends teasing us? For Love at first sight?"

"Well, not really. Look, I know it's hard to believe, but Cupid is real, angels are real, hell, that's what's sitting in front of you." Dean sighs again.

"Ok, uh, I,uh, I am totally confused. But how do you know it's a Cupid? Why don't you trust your feelings?" Shawn's eyes are still confused and now sad. "Don't you think you'll fall in love with me?"

“Because he will never **love a man** like you!” Castiel's tone hardens as he turns back to stare at Shawn. Dean unconsciously reaches out to defend Shawn, but Castiel glares back at him so he freezes awkwardly on the spot.

“Well, why? Because you're an angel and Lord says no sodomy?" Shawn shrugs his shoulders and glares back. If the line of sight had been warm, these two pairs of blue eyes would have burned through the impala. 

"Alright guys, calm down, will you?" Sam is a little horrified by the eerie atmosphere and tries to ease the tension.

"What? How about you try this? You're dating your new boyfriend, and then two guys grab you in a car and say your love is from Cupid’s , what's that, a curse? Now you try to calm down!" Shawn shouts angrily in Sam's direction. 

"Uh, look. Shawn. I never hit on dicks until I saw you at the bar, so the Cupid thing is kinda reasonable. Actually, my brother and my friend are here to investigate the recent suicides and we believe they also had the spell on them." 

"Dean-o, I don't think the FBI will consider Cupid as a killer. What exactly are you?" Shawn's tone is now more worried than angry. He tilts his head and raising his hands to cup Dean’s face, frowning. Dean suddenly thinks of Lisa and Ben. Shawn is gonna in danger. He remembers the way Lisa frowning and worrying. He remembers seeing her lying lifeless in her own blood. No, no, no. Shit, this is because of me, this is because of me - This is MY DAMN FAULT again. 

"I'm, uh, I'm a hunter, dealing with evil supernatural creatures like vampires and werewolves and all that." Dean forces out some words. 

"So Cupid is evil? Like in the _Cupid_ movie (* a horror movie about a killing Cupid) , Georgina?"

"Well, not really. The last Cupid we met was a naked, cuddly man." Dean immediately relaxes a little because of the movie reference. When most people you can talk to is your grass-eating brother and your angel friend who never seen Star Wars, it feels really good to have someone who can actually tell you some slang and reference. 

"Then why did you want to cut me off, this, uh, spell?" Shawn sighs, looking directly into Dean. 

"Because now four are dead, Shawn, or eight, at the most. And I am certain that you and Dean are its next target." Castiel's voice keeps louder than usual. 

"Yeah, Shawn, besides, I'm not very safe at work, and if anything happens to me, I don't want to get you into trouble with this spell." 

"What? Do you think I'm 18 or something?" Shawn yells. "I said **I** **love** **you** for like what, 20 times this morning! I want to be with you and I don't care about some fucking spell! Why can’t you just **keep yourself safe** for me!? You are not like in Kamakazi, right? Can't you stay live and I don’t do suicide shit and we live together?"

"Yeah...Uh..."Dean averts his eyes.

“OK, love bird, enough sigil-talking.”Sam finally cuts in, looking into the rearview mirror. He sees his brother’s touching face and rolls his eyes. "Shawn, you've known my brother for, like, 12 hours, and now you're saying you're going to live with him? Don't you think it's strange?" His final sentence is actually directed at Dean, and Sam hopes Dean’s mind is still clear enough to understand what he means. 

Of course it's strange. This whole love-at-first-sight is all Cupid's spell. Dean is just blinded by love. But at least this spell has worked only on emotional level so far and hasn't interfered with reason ability yet. Sam is sincerely glad that his brother hasn’t rushed to Vegas to get married the same way he was drugged by Becky. 

But why did those four poor guys lose their life? Why the Cupid chose them? Why they died in different way? Where were their bounded ones? They killed themselves or their bounded ones died? 

“Strange? Yes, definitely! Because my boyfriend’s brother is talking about Cupid love arrow and I am sitting behind an angel in my boyfriend’s car! I’ve known Dean for less than 12 hours, but you've known me for less than 12 minutes! So stopping saying this!" Shawn glares at Sam through the rearview mirror, then immediately looks back at Dean as he speaks.

"Sorry, Shawn.I never wanted you to follow me - I mean, I **want** to, but it's impossible." Dean doesn’t look at Shawn's hurt eyes and staring at their touched knees. "You're too good. You don't **deserve** all my damn craps. I was going to leave you as soon as the case was over before I even knew the spell. I'm sorry, Shawn." 

"Dean-o, you didn’t force me to love you- like, uh, using some magic spell, right? " Shawn removes his hand from Dean's face. 

"What? Of course not! It is the Cupid!"

"Then why are you so guilty, like this is **all-your-fault** kind of guilty?" Shawn sighs, leaning back so no part of them is still touched. "Are you worried that if you die and I will die with you and it is **your fault**? But now it looks like if I die, you'll be involved too. So it's not your fault, nor is it my fault. You can’t think this way. It is exhausting. Just because you know more strange and supernatural shit than me **doesn’t make everything your fault** -" He is interrupted by the ringing of Sam's phone. 

Shawn looks like he doesn’t finish, shuts up though. He looks out of the window to avoid looking at Dean. 

"Hello, Mr. Thame, this is agent Bradley."

"Okay, I'll be there in about ten minutes." Sam hangs up the phone, turning at the next intersection. "Max's husband. I will drive there first."

-

The Impala is parked in front of Max and his husband's house. When Sam gets out of the car, Thame and the twins are waiting at the door.

Dean pulls the door open and steps out, walking toward the driver side. Castiel remains seated in the car, staring in the rearview mirror at Shawn, who is peering out the window. 

"Papa! It is him! He's the one who kissed Daddy! "The twins suddenly screams in unison.

“What?” Dean pauses, his eyes on Sam in disbelief, who looks no less astonished. 

“The man in the car! He kissed Daddy!” The twins embraces Thame's thighs. 

-

-

_ The night before in the motel.  _

Castiel no longer needs to sleep after he gets his grace back. He stands at the window, the silvery moon painting the floor faint white through the translucent curtains. Night becomes a leisure to wander his mind.

He looks at the two men asleep in the bed and again recalls his sleep activities as a human being. After Amora left and he moved into the bunker, he increasingly recalled his brief time as a human, trying to hold on to something.

For a time he lay in a double bed at the rescue station, hearing the snoring and the rusted bed creaking in the dark, trying to sleep. He remained motionless, hesitated for a moment, then closed his eyes. Alerted by inability to see, he tightened his body. He had to open his eyes again, staring blankly at the darkness. 

He tried to think nothing but it turned out extremely different for the sensations on his body are new and overwhelming. He felt tired, hungry, and cold. He felt his shoulders stiff, his calves sore and the tattoo on his stomach itchy. He heard his own heartbeat in his ears, felt his chest rise and fall with his breath, his hand clenched at his side. 

By the time he was vaguely unconscious, the light had already come out of the window again, bringing a gray dawn. He was awakened by the noise when it was bright outside and forced to start his day.

Later he learned to close his eyes, to relax and let the night fall on him -- he had, like Dean and Sam, put his blade under his pillow, and it did feel a lot safer. He rolled to lay on his stomach like they did, feeling his breath harder. 

Then he experienced his first dream. In his first dream, Dean was a demon. He and Sam were standing in front of him. Dean was roaring angrily in the devil’s trap.

_It was a strange feeling that he saw himself standing there. He was there and he was not there. He could see his own back. He couldn’t move. He was not practical. He was moving. He was talking to Sam._

_Being near Dean made him feel **vacant, dazed, miserable and overwhelmed.** _

_He had looked and was now looking straight into those dark eyes and said, "it was easier this way" , because he knew exactly how easy it was to isolate and block all the emotions. He could walk more firmly, act more freely and have more peace of mind. He didn't live for anything, didn't care about anyone, didn't care about any consequences. He didn't have to think about right and wrong._

_The angel just obeyed every orders, the devil just enjoyed every joy._

_But Castiel, he, still, stepped forward and injected the holy blood into Dean, into the righteous man hiding in his Utopia. Castiel pulled, pulled hard to drag the righteous man away from pleasure and happiness, and pushed, pushed hard to force the righteous man to the thick muddy reality._

_He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. The sticky Leviathan tightened against his neck, forcing him to the icy lake. He walked toward the water, leaving the worried Dean back. Water was over his chest and over his nose and mouth. Everything was isolated in the outside, he couldn’t control his own body, couldn’t feel his own grace and even couldn’t remember who he was. Lucifer screamed in his mind again "You hurt him again."_

_Still, he watched Sam push the syringe. He listened to Dean's anguished demonic cries, and managed to keep his face impassive - he couldn't sense his mark on his soul_ _._

_He couldn’t give up, because Dean never gave up. He heard himself thinking in the bunker. He couldn’t let Dean go, whether he was running for the garden of Eden, reaching for the ultimate happiness, whether he was overwhelmed or not._

_He couldn’t let Dean go, because Dean didn’t let him go._

_Dean must return to human, to him._

_Castiel needed to return to Dean. He wanted to leave here. He can’t sense his grace._ _._

_In his despair, it was always Dean Winchester, the man he had saved, the man he had protected, the man he marked, waited to pull him out, regardless of the fact he was broken and was too ashamed to face the reality. So now he also wanted to do this._

_He knew besides all this, besides the heart-tearing agony, the helpless despair, the confused panic, the overburdened distress, besides all this, at the bottom of the icy water, beneath the darkness of Purgatory, behind all the pain in the world, there was always a rainbow, a ray of sunshine, a reached out hand._

_“There are also good things,"he heard himself saying to Sam, not knowing who he was trying to comfort, Dean, Sam or himself ? He screamed to Sam and himself._

_“You know, both of you. The memory grows the sharp thorn. The memory like crowns of thorns. The memory early wounds on him. You are hurting him! When the devil is washed by the holy blood, Dean can never be happy again. This is the only time he can hum the tune of happiness and stare at the bright sun carefree.”_

_But he was still helping Sam pump holy blood into the syringe. Dean's face was covered in sweat and tears._

_Dean Winchester, you can't be the devil, you can't run away._

_You are mine, you have my mark and I LOV--_ \- 

He was slapped.

His eyes flew open and he felt pitch black -- then he realized it was night. Why? What happened?

His face was burning, his throat was smoking with thirst, and he was still gasping for breath. He struggled to reach one hand to the angel blade under his pillow, squinting to identify the target in the darkness.

"Stop screaming in your fucking **dream**! Or you fucking get the hell out of here!" He heard an angry voice from the side. 

Oh, **dream**. He released his grip on the angel's blade and murmured a small apology. 

He stared at Dean, wondering if he was dreaming. 

He knew that when Dean just returned from hell, he could not sleep well and would scream and moan at night. Dean kept drinking and stayed awake as long as he could. 

He saw the sweat on Dean's face and tears in Dean’s eyes. He heard him scream in pain and sob his apologize.

At that time, he had not yet found the right vessel. He could only watch the soul he had saved, the soul he needed to protect, the soul he had marked suffer. **But he felt nothing** \- Dean Winchester was a soul that was about to be destroyed, a soul that was destined to die for something greater. He was the sword of Michael. He was the vessel. When the apocalypse came, Michael would destroy his soul, take over his body, and fight Lucifer.

Even though this is the **righteous man** he saved, this is the soul he repaired, this is the **mark of Castiel** on him. 

This is for the **Great Plan**. He believed firmly at that time.

Anna felt at a loss after falling, as almost every angel did. Castiel felt it too, though much earlier.

The price of freedom was too horrible. There was no one and no excuse to be responsible for all his decisions. He didn’t know whether he made the false decision. 

He is an angel. He can wipe an entire city without blinking an eye. He can kill a newborn infant and a dying old man. He can insert his angel blade into any creature. Simply because it is for the world, for the **Great Plan** , which is the will of god beyond their ability to understand.

He didn't need to think. How can he? No doubt it was sin to do so, to think that he could understand the thoughts of god. The last doubter had sinned against the original sin ‘ ** _Pride_** ’, and was at that time imprisoned in hell, awaiting the Apocalypse -also God's plan.

Assigned to save the righteous, he took his garrison to hell. 

**He walked across everything, life and death, heaven and hell, war and smoke, he stretched out his hand to** the shining but dusty soul. But what he didn't know is that he wasn't ready, he wasn't strong enough, he wasn't ready for anything that was out of control, which in fact no angel could do the job. 

Then Dean broke into his world, throwing a bucket of multicolored paint into his gray world. He was inescapably covered in colorful and forced to look straight into the human world. 

He looked at the righteous man with his mark on his body and soul. He looked at his own hands that repaired bright soul piece by piece. He still didn’t understand him. 

He didn't know why Dean refused to protect more people by killing a few, why Dean hid his inner sorrow in bad jokes, why Dean never give up. Though being the vessel was an unwarranted burden, why did he not obey fate? 

As the time went, he was more and more confused. His grace was split by the mark, letting Dean in.  He was confused that he would be confused, he was puzzled that he would be puzzled, he was worried that he would be worried. 

The more he thought about it, the more he looked at Dean, the more confused he became. He knew he shouldn't ask, he shouldn't risk wanting to know anything more, he shouldn't be arrogant, he shouldn't want to know God's mind like Lucifer. He didn’t want to fall. 

He asked, "Why, Dean?"

Why don’t you say yes to Michael? 

Why are you trying to stop apocalypse? 

Why don’t follow the Great Plan? 

Why am I confused? 

Why am I in pain? 

Why do I feel feelings? 

He really didn't understand why this human was protecting his brother, the one who drank the demon's blood. He didn't know Sam was Lucifer's vessel at first, but when he did, he was in the camp of the apocalypse blockers. So why didn’t they kill Sam? It was strange for Dean to not sacrifice his brother to stop the apocalypse.

Refusing to save the world made him an accomplice in its destruction, Castiel thought at that time. Dean just wanted to give up the whole world to protect his brother - the whole world - there would be so many big brothers who loves their younger brother, so many younger sisters who respected their elder sisters in the world. 

Then he found out that Dean didn't think that way. He ignored the possibility of the world's destruction and stubbornly wanted to protect his brother. Castiel assumed it was because Dean didn't kill these people personally with his own hands. How selfish! Castiel thought. He was killing the rest of the world. Castiel tried to show him this, but Dean was unimpressed. 

He was increasingly confused. All it took was one person's life to stop everything, whether it's an apocalypse or a virus. Although he thought it was possible to send another angel to pull Sam out of hell, since Michael wanted apocalypse.

He sighed, puzzled, and watched Dean stare at him with alarm and warning. Is this also God's plan? The humanity? His rebellion? His fall? Dean and Sam, Michael and Lucifer?

Castiel never paid attention to human. There was nothing special about the whole species, which he did not like or dislike. It was one of his father's myriad creations, that is all. 

Though this species once felt superior to the others, considered themselves the center of the world, the "beloved of god" -- a creature made in his image. 

They were, after all, their Father's creatures, part of his perfect, grand, incomprehensible Plan. They were all the same, every angel, every demon, every creature, even every molecule, atom and element. _**The Great Chain of Being**_ included everything in _**Nature**_.

There was no difference between the eagle soaring under the vast blue sky and the butterfly fluttering on the angrily bloomed flowers. There was no difference between the pine trees growing on the cliffs and the weeds sprouting in the mud bricks. There was no difference between the proteins formed by nitrogen, oxygen, and hydrogen molecules and humans. 

Humans don't have the sharp fangs like snakes, but they are more crafty. Humans don’t have the keen eye like flies, but they are more insatiable. This had made Gabriel anxious to observe the arrogant race again and again, and then he disappeared in them.

But there was a human being, Dean Winchester, the only righteous man among the billions, who shattered all previous principles. Castiel helped him to stop the Apocalypse, becoming the tiny hindrance to the Great Plan that he had believed in since the Cambrian ages. He fought with him and risked his life with him. Dean fought for the human world, for his brother, and Castiel fought for Dean. He did not know why he. He did not know why even when he was staring at his former superior through the holy fire. 

He thought that this was his last day on earth, that his eons of life were about to end, not by a demon, not by a healing angel, but in an unknown, dilapidated warehouse. 

For a reason he could not explain, for a human being he had not yet seen through.

The human exists only less than half a century, which is too short compared to Castiel’s long life. But what he brings Castiel surpasses everything in the past, surpassing the the first ray of the rising sun, surpassing the ever-changing new species in the Cambrian, surpassing the thin small fish struggling to land, surpassing the first quivering and standing ape, surpassing the heaven of the autism, surpassing every Thursday he guarded - even surpassing the voice of his father that he never heard.

He made Castiel open his eyes. He forced Castiel to see the world. He led Castiel to think. 

He believes in him. 

Castiel stared on Dean in the dim moonlight, hoping the day never comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, Shawn is not a random guy//// Not just a victim.  
> And I kinda hid my little pleasure into this character, for what he is saying is mostly the things I want to say to Dean! Like "don't blame yourself too much";((  
> Again my native language is not English so really sorry for the poor writing.  
> Hope for comments! And I am really really desperate to know if there is some platform for shippers to chat ideas or recommend fanfics to each other. I know there must be, but now I am still sadly stuck in beginner's blindness and totally have no idea. That is to say, I spent all my quarantine time watching SPN nonstop for like, 50 days and finished all episodes available. Then I turned here and started wolfing down lots of Fanfic. ALL ALONE! Since Supernatural is a little bit too long (which I admire very much though), my friends are not in the mood to catch up all of them and they have a little problem dealing with ghost stuff. SO LONELY! (don't use twitter/ins often because I am in China, but Do have VPN so if there were some chat group kinda thing I was really eager to join.

**Author's Note:**

> Hoping for comments!!plssss
> 
> The words bold in the article kinda implies the feeling of Castiel after he rescued Dean from Hell and got in touch with him.  
> The ending is definitely Destiel!!!  
> Though Dean is bond with the Shawn guy ( who is not a random man picking by Cupid, sorry can’t reveal his identity here but I can assure u that he won’t literally be the third party in Destiel),his relationship with Shawn is similar with the one with Amora. So Shawn here serves more like a transition stage for both Dean and Castiel to realize their feelings. Castiel gradually finds out what his feelings for Dean is ( which of course is the L-word). Dean falls in love with Shawn but what he loves in Shawn is all the same thing he loves in Castiel. Sorry if I cause any misunderstanding.


End file.
